The Urbanna Oyster Festival is held every first full weekend in November. The Saturday of the festival is notoriously crowded to a point where many visitors park a few miles away in Saluda and take a shuttle bus in and out of town. Those fortunate enough to have Friday off find Urbanna to be much easier to navigate and enjoy.
It was my tradition at my former job to craft an excuse to get off from work early to take advantage of the Friday. Although I was going to burn off four hours of my vacation time anyway, my former boss and co-workers were entertained by my inventive schemes. This is a sample of my efforts:
Dear Mrs Pierce,
Your employee, Mr. John Gresham, has been a patient of mine for a number of years. I am afraid his condition will grow much worse if he does not come to me immediately for intervention. John suffers from bivalvinosis. It is a rare disease where the taste buds become deformed and shell-like growths appear in the digestive system. If left untreated, John will not be able to identify good seafood from “Long John Silvers” and his stomach may become “barnacled” over. Please have him come to my office in Urbanna no later than 1pm today so that I can give him the necessary shucked therapy for his full recovery. Thank you for your attention to this critical matter.
Dr. Virginica Crassostrea
My boss still believes that I have a few other problems as well